Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize