You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
