I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
