I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
