Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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