he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
