She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
