you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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