Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
