just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
