Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
