Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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