I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
im holly from the hills drunk
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
