I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
