if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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