I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
