hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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