Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
