so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
