If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
