garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My first STD was from a foam party
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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