The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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