I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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