i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
