Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
