Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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