So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
