Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize
