What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
