yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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