His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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