Is it normal to miss your booty call?
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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