if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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