A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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