Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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