I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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