I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
