there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
