Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
