do herpes really smell.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
