i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
