i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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