I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
