You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Randomize
