Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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