Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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