hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize