The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
