When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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