Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
