I can tuck mytits in my pants
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
