DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
