Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
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