Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
