I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
