I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
