conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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