I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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