i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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