pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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