evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
