It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
