this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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