got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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