DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
