Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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