Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
