sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My butt remains clenched, sir.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize