battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
