Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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