Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
