So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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