I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
