Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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