It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
