I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
