I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
