just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
