I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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